Saturday, June 25, 2011

Happy St-Jean!

Well it's over but... Bonne St-Jean!!


This is a holiday that really grew on me. I mean it BIG in Quebec but I still sometimes feel uncomfortable celebrating it.  I often had to work during the festivities  and even at time and a half it was apparent that I was getting the short end of the stick, when people would walk in singing and buying stuff for their BBQs, drunk and happy. I wanted that, I wanted to bond with my fellow Quebec homies and no money couold replace that.

And then there is separatism which is still a big part of the whole celebration. It's a holiday that went from being religiously rooted from the first European settlers to a political rally. I love Quebec and I'm so happy that my mom chose to immigrate here and then decided to have me. And, while I agree with a lot of the reasons, I still truly believe that separation would hurt in the end, no matter how many times or how loud we sing Le Plus Beau Voyage.

So I feel a little restricted in that regard but I've learned how to observe it in my own little assimilated way. None the less, I celebrate St-Jean not because I'm religious or a separatist, I celebrate La fete de la St- Jean Baptiste because I celebrate the people whose culture I share and of which I'm proud to call my own.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

LIFE.

I'm a big board game fan, I may be calling out my squareness but I don't care- I love the competition of it. There is one that holds a special place in my heart, LIFE.



Ah, the game of life, a throwback to my youth.

What I think I like the best about life is how it relates to my life, I guess it gives me hope in away.

For the longest time I would always choose to start off going to college, which starts you off in debt right off the bat. Guess what happened in real life? Then after getting tired of losing , I changed my strategy- go with a career first. Interestingly enough, when I had asked my mom what she thought I would be well suited for as I was getting ready to go into college, she said this: 'do a career program, come out after 3 years and start making money right away.'

Meet my awesome superpower- 20/20 hindsight vision.
 

As I've mentioned before, I've been switching jobs pretty regularly since I began working, searching it seems but for what? Maybe a Jack of all trades bonus.



That doesn't exist in real life, only in the enhanced version of the computer game but there is still wisdom in it. Sometimes you have to try a bunch of different paths  to get to where you need to be. There might be a time when you're half way through the game and your salary is 20 000 a year. A time when you get paid just to end up having to give it away in taxes, or something needs to be fixed or you get sick and things are pretty shitty.

But, then you land on a switch careers spot and suddenly things start looking up. You catch a few breaks or take the right paths, maybe get a few bonuses  and you've learned some valuable lessons along the way. Is this the game or my actual life?


My enthusiasm over life-(mine, not the game ) is that I've been sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to hear back from this company that I really want to work for but I was still nervous about a few details yet still no word, I'm thinking it maybe isn't meant to be. Then yesterday I applied for a position on a whim and today I got a call back. I'm really excited and I got a good vibe but the greatest part is that it would put me back on the path towards my goal. This job could really open doors for me with the bonus of keeping me active. Could I be more in love with life right now?

What a game.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Woe was me

I'm a simple girl, just trying to make my own way around life and make the best decisions possible for me but sometimes I really get the feeling that all the world's forces are working against me in some way.

Lately I've been really torn about the work that I've been doing, why I was doing it and what I was getting out of it. I've found that the older I get the less happy I seem to be and everyone around me just say ridiculous things like- That's a part of aging.

The major influences in my life are always calling me unfocused and I am forever defending myself; Which is not just a pain but downright insulting.


Brought up by old fashioned Caribbean parents and although they put me in different activities, there really wasn't encouragement. At first, it was a way of keeping me busy while they were at work, then it was to keep me from getting pregnant. They weren't like other parents sheltering me and coddling me; They didn't have that luxury and I in turn,wasn't afforded the fortune of being able to be selfish.

Look, I'm not contesting the fact that everyone has a hard life- the grass is always greener, right?  I just see the bigger picture and understand that not every life can take the same journey; That sometimes it's the most tumultuous path that that yields the biggest rewards.

Do I sometimes wish that my life was different or easier in certain ways?

Hells yeah. But I work through those moments of weakness because deep down I know it's just what I had to go through to get to my destination.

Ok so I sound like either a hippie or someone who has just found religion but I've decided. This part of my biography is to be entitled: The light.

I've been trying to find a job but not just any job, one that suits me, that I can grow in, a decent environment, with decent people; what seems to be defined as the 'perfect job' but that just doesn't compute with me. Those aren't crazy demands are they? Why are those things considered do far out of reach?

I have had many jobs, which means I'm uber experienced but that tends to be viewed negatively because it shows instability. Look, I will admit to having a bit of a restless soul but I also understand the value of hard work- I worked in high school, through college and I always add to a team in a positive way. My problem is that not all of these jobs added to my life in an equally positive way. When am I allowed to ask for more? Why don't I deserve more?

In my quest to evolve in life ( I wouldn't call it a career because it's so far from what I actually want to do- which is write) and fight for what some people attain so easily and take for granted. I had to start believing my own hype so to speak. I've proven to myself over and over again that there's no situation that I could not thrive in but doubt always sneaks in there and if I couldn't believe in my power, how then could I sell it to someone else?

In trying to figure myself out, I actually took the time to assess my successes versus my failures and thinking back looking for regret but I have no regret- I made the best possible choices that I could have made for my situation. And I realised that my 'failures' actually taught me about myself and my strengths, none of them were huge, some of them were unavoidable but analyzing each opened a new level of understanding about myself and choices I make.

I'm not 18 anymore, so taking half a decade to find myself, if you will, was a really risky move. The kids I graduated with are know momsbusinessmenpoliticiansbuildingecofriendlyhouseswiththeirplanssuccessandsuch and I was...

I was constantly feeling the pressure to compare myself to other people; I had to be highly promotedlikeherIhadtobesthimIneedherbody. ENOUGH!

This is the year I take the sum total of my experiences and turn them into the most winning outcome for me. One of the most important things I learnt was that not everyone can take the same path. I have a friend that immediately needs to have the exact body of the skinny Lady Gaga, has to be married, have a house, kids- all because of status. And because of what I learnt about myself and how miserable it makes her as she tries to keep up-  I say in the wise words of Rage Against the Machine, FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!

It took some work and ate up precious time but it seems to be sticking. Meanwhile another obstacle was waiting in the wing....